Nutrition school

Dr. Lang recommends all her patients take a nutrition class, so I sat in this morning. They recommend a plant based diet for four days before chemo day and four days after. No meat is easier on the gastro and veggies offer more fluids and ease of eating.

There are no raw foods and no restaurant food. Best to control what you eat and how it is made. She had lots of good tips. One of the participants has already been through treatment and talked about how changing her diet changed how she felt during treatment. It still sounds terrible, but at least I know what to eat. 

Chemo school

Well, that was hard and overwhelming. I’d like to say that I am strong and put on a brave face, but I didn’t. I cried. Everything sounds terrible. Diarrhea and constipation. There’s nausea and food tastes bad. But you have to drink lots of fluids. Your bones hurt from the Neulasta shot. Oh yeah, there’s mouth sores or your tongue feels like it’s on fire. Don’t mind the fuzzy vision either. And, most famously, chemo brain.

The first chemo is Feb. 6. Next Thursday. Also my return to work day. On Friday I have to go back for the Neulasta shot.

I should feel “normal” until Saturday afternoon and then the pre-meds will wear off. Then I should feel all the feels for several days.

I thought the hair loss didn’t start until the second session, but no, that’s from the beginning too, so I’m going to make an appointment to have it shaved off. You lose all your hair, even your nose hair.

I’m calm now, but I’m sure the coming days will be hard as I wait for the unknown.

The Oncologist

Linda took me to see the Oncologist this afternoon. Since my pathology is clean, I only need four sessions of chemo. 

It’s a combo of taxotere and cyclophosphamide. It will require a shot of Neulasta for white blood cells. If I don’t have it starting with the first session I may get an infection and be hospitalized. 

I go to “chemo school” next Wednesday and expect I will learn then when the first session will be. 

HEB

I went to HEB. Shh, don’t tell my friends. I might get in trouble. 

I was ok to drive once the drains were out and I was off Gabapentin. All that happened last week, so I felt safe to go. 

I just picked up four things. Then I went to the car wash because my car was under a tree that is dropping berries, so there was a lot of bird poop. 

I felt ok driving. The worst part was using my left arm to pay at the car wash. It definitely hurt my underarm. 

Random pain

I had some serious pains last night. Had me ripping open my corset. It’s way looser than it was originally set, so I just think maybe I did too much with my right arm yesterday. I don't know. I took some Tylenol and was able to go back to sleep. 

Hi.

Every day I mean to write, but don’t. I am feeling so much better since having the drains out. I’m still reactive to where the tape was. The nurse told Stacy and I that she’s seeing more and more people react the way I did. I wonder why. 

I actually left the house Saturday. Stacy took me to return some shoes I bought for NYC that I didn’t wear. Then we went to early dinner at PF Chang’s. It was nice to get out of the house, but I was pretty tired that evening. 

I waiting until Sunday to shower because the left drain side started bleeding when I went to remove the drain bandage. Getting rid of the last of the adhesive was a big help. 

Stacy went home Sunday because I didn’t want her to get stuck her with the ice storm coming. I’ve had lots of visitors. Everyone brings food and groceries. Nancy has cleaned for me and done laundry. I’m so grateful to everyone who has helped. 

The dogs and I are doing ok on our own. I took a chair into the kitchen so I can sit and watch while they are in the backyard.

Kevin is still in the hospital, so please keep him in your prayers. 

The drains are out!

Whew! What a difference that makes. 

I started having a more serious reaction to the tape holding the drains and the incision tape, so I texted my nurse to see what she recommended. She suggested I call Dr. Elmi’s office, so I did. I spoke with the nurse practitioner and after a few questions she asked if I could come into the office. 

My niece Stacy came last night, so she drove me over. Removing the right side was fine, but the left side hurt quite a bit. That side had more tubing. Then she removed the tape and I started to feel way better. I’d not been feeling great. I think my body was fighting having plastic inside me, plus the tape reaction. I can walk better and just feel better overall. 

I’d read online that there could be up to 18 inches of tubing, but I don’t think there was that much. I didn’t look cause I didn’t want to see. 

It was the first time to see the future scars. They’re not horrible. I’d had an idea of what to expect after seeing mom’s. As I told Stacy, it looks abnormally normal. I still have a lot of bruising and swelling that will get better with time. 

Stacy bought materials to cover my outside pipes. I’m so grateful that she thought to do so. It is nice to have her here. 

David’s husband is still in the hospital. They have cardiology, infectious diseases and internal medicine working to figure out what’s wrong. Prayer for Kevin (and David) please. 

Fantastic news!

I’m not gonna lie. It was a hard day. I was very weepy. The nurse assigned to me for the duration of my treatment texted me to check in and I’d been a little upset that no one had reached out to me from any doctor’s office. I texted her back and she called me to talk. I cried and cried. She encouraged me to have my friends sign-up to come visit me everyday. I need the physicality of having someone here. I am pretty self-sufficient, but after the dog attack and a salesman call at my door yesterday, I am feeling super vulnerable being alone. 

While we were talking, she said that my pathology came in and it is ALL CLEAR! They got all the cancer, my margins are clear and my lymph node was clear. 

I do still have to have chemo because TNBC is very aggressive, so they want to kill any microscopic cancer cells that may have spread beyond the breast.

From an article: “Triple-negative breast cancer tends to spread at a microscopic level from the beginning,” says Dr. Leon Ferre. This means the cancer must be treated with systemic therapy — a drug or combination of drugs that can be taken orally or through an IV to reach cancer cells in all parts of the body. “The drugs usually used to avoid chemotherapy target estrogen receptors. This cancer doesn't have those, so we rely on chemotherapy, which essentially kills any cell that is dividing rapidly.”

Elsa sat with me and talked for a couple hours. That helped me a lot. I am tired. I hope the girls and I sleep well. (They have been restless since David left. Lots of barking at nothing.)

What day is it?

We made it through our first night alone. I had a lot of internal drama that was exacerbated by the anesthesia. The girls had two barking jags where they ran to the back door pitching fits. They’ve been in David’s room with him at night with the door closed, so any noise was new to them again. I woke up this morning with Pippa stretched across me. Protecting me, I imagine. 

We’ve been up and did bathroom things (I’m down to 10 ml from the drains twice a day). And are now back snuggled up in bed.

Vangie is bringing me lunch and Elsa is coming later to cook the food David bought to make stew. 

If the dogs were traumatized by the attack in the backyard, they don’t show it. They charge out like normal and race like they always have. It’s the addition of mom standing guard that is new. 

Grief perhaps?

Since David left I’ve been crying off and on. Lots of anesthetic emotion. Fear of being alone. Fear of letting the dogs out. I’ve taken a Xanax and have settled down. I expect I’ll sleep well and feel better tomorrow. 

David went home

David’s husband, Kevin, was admitted to the hospital this morning for possible pneumonia and a heart issue, so he is headed back to Dallas. 

I flipped out some, but I’m ok. Had some chili. Am watching tv. 

The good news is I pooped. ;-)

War wounds:

Traumatic afternoon

I decided to bath today as I finally read the materials they sent home from the hospital. Oops, supposed to start that two days ago. 

I got in the bathroom and was just wiping myself off when I heard what sounded like a dog fight a couple houses away. It wasn’t. Two dogs jumped the fence and attacked Pippa in the backyard. David went bounding out and got them off. They jumped back over the fence. My dogs ran inside. Pippa was filthy. David told me he won’t say what he saw. But that Millie was trying to protect her. 

I leave the screen door propped open and they run inside and out all the time. I have a chain link fence. May have to think about wood. 

We bathed both girls. David says she’s ok. I know she has a couple bloody spots but they don’t seem to be puncture wounds. 

It took her an hour to stop shaking. I had to take half a Xanax because I was close to hysterical. I blame the anesthesia. 

Thank God David was here. We have made a 311 report. 

Before that David held me a few moments while I cried a little before undressing. Everything is still taped up well, but it was my first look at the boob-less chest and my belly without blockage. Gonna have to work on that. 

My left underarm is quite swollen. It’s all very numb. It’ll be a full shower tomorrow now that I know what to expect. 

The best babysitters

 

Tonight

My neck has been stiff, so I was stretching it a little while ago. I felt the tube for my port. It freaks me out.