An overdue update

On July 2, I saw the gastro nurse practitioner. After learning I still have morning nausea, she scheduled a test for gastroparesis. It’s a four hour test to view how fast food moves through your digestive system. If that’s my problem, there’s a med for it. In the meantime, I’m supposed to follow a really weird diet. It goes against everything we’re taught. Minimum fiber, no fresh fruit or vegetables. Plus the usuals of no fried food, nothing greasy, etc. That test is later in the month.

 

Only July 3, I saw the oncology nurse practitioner. My bloodwork came back normal and she did a manual check of my chest. I’ll go back every four months for the next two years for the same. Apparently with triple negative, metastasis happen most frequently in the first two years. There are no scans. If I feel a pain or anything usual for longer than two weeks, I am to go in to have it checked. This cancer goes to the bones first, then liver/kidneys, then lungs and then the brain. 

 

After hearing about continued belly issues, she ordered a CT scan, which I did yesterday. Got my results in like two hours! Everything came back with either a “no” or “unremarkable” which I expected. The most important line says, “no evidence of metastatic disease within the abdomen or pelvis.” I don’t think I understood that’s what they were looking for, so Yay for that!

 

I do continue to have food issues. I don’t know how else to explain it. I’m not very hungry and I get full pretty fast. I am down 30 lbs since the mastectomy. I’ve stopped taking the anti-nausea first thing in the morning and haven’t felt like vomiting, so Yay for that! Yesterday was the first time after eating that I wished I had the med with me. It’s in my purse now.

 

On July 4, I went to Michigan to see my family. I slept horribly, so that was hard. Traveling wasn’t fun. Took me 12 hours door-to-door to get there and 16 hours coming home, with a 3am home arrival. #donotrecommend I did fine on Saturday, but napped too much on Sunday, so my sleep has been jacked up this week and I’ve been tired.

 

I think everyone was surprised I looked so good. The most common (and odd) comment was, “Your skin looks great.” Um, ok. There were also comments about how “you couldn’t tell” with the tops I was wearing. It was all said as a compliment, so that’s how I took it.

 

I’ve noticed more comments about how “brave” I am to not wear a wig. I don’t feel brave. I just feel like me. And this is how I look right now. I don’t feel like me in a wig. I guess my goals from this experience are to be an example to get your annual mammogram, that being flat is an option women should consider and being bald is just a part of cancer (my hair has really popped out the last two weeks). I dunno. People tell me I’m “lucky” to have such a pretty head, but what if I didn’t and still wanted to be wigless?

 

As part of the CT scan report I received yesterday, there were also links to my mammograms and biopsy. It was the first time I saw my cancer. I mean, they showed me things before, but I don’t remember what I saw. Yesterday I saw it. The blur. The “architectural distortion” was black, not the white you think of when you think of tumors. Not the little circular cells I imagined in my brain. When you see the whole breast picture, it’s impossible for you or me to see it. It’s literally a blur. I was mesmerized at work looking at it. Shared pictures with people. Then got on with my day.

 

But I got really emotional driving home. The chances of it being missed. It really was a black blur. It was the trained eye of a skilled radiologist and by the grace of God that it was seen.

 

I’ve been thinking a lot about a quote from Princess Kate about her journey. “Treatment's done, then it's like, ‘I can crack on, get back to normal,’ but actually the phase afterwards is really, really difficult.”

 

I totally get that. I don’t know that I feel like things right now are “really, really difficult” because for six or eight weeks, I was really, really sick (plus four more weeks of just sick), so these days feel pretty good. But I think I felt similarly that I would “crack on, get back to normal” and that’s not where I am yet.

 

I’d been thinking I would throw myself a 60^th birthday party next month to really celebrate life. But I’ve decided not to. It feels like too much. Too many people. Too many details. Too many decisions. So brunches, lunches, small dinners and other celebrations as they come. LOL! Invite me and I’ll come!