I’m getting better

I worked a full day (from home) every day last week and feel secure enough to drive myself places. 

On Friday, my PT said they offer beginner exercise classes she can sign me up for, which would be great. I need to work on my stamina and strength. I walked the block twice at lunch today, each lap with one of the dogs. They were so excited (they’re out of shape too).

I hit two stores on Saturday to try on some clothes because most tops I own don’t work anymore. I found a couple of cute things. But it was exhausting and the different motion makes my chest tight. I have some stretching exercises I do at home, plus I use a heating pad and the massage during PT helps a lot. 

I added another medication to my regimen today, so hopefully this will be last of what I need to be fully healed. It’ll be interesting to learn what the endoscopy says on Monday. My greatest fear is they’ll find nothing, and you know what that means (it’s all in your head).

Get wiggy with it

It’s funny. I find as I Teams chat with coworkers, the women all tell me how great I look without hair. The men ask if I have a wig. 😂

It’s gone!

 

It’s port removal day!

It’s minor and quick surgery, but they’ll still put me out, so say a little prayer for me this morning! I’m nervous, but excited. 

I’m going to miss her so

My doctor sat with me an hour today to listen to my story. To hear about all my issues. About the conflicting recommendations and helped me come up with a plan. She called the compounding pharmacy the gastroenterologist sent a prescription to yesterday and talked with the pharmacist about the ingredient I believe I had an allergic reaction to and found a new way to provide it to me. It won’t come until next week, but I’m hopeful. 

Gastroenterologist

I saw a gastro doctor today. He basically told me to stop doing everything I’ve been doing and he’s prescribing all new meds and an endoscopy. I look forward to discussing it all with Dr. Heller tomorrow. 

Couple of good days

So apparently eating consistently can make one feel better. Imagine that! Actually, I’m hitting like every other day is a good day. Thursday was challenging. Friday was good. Yesterday I was exhausted. Today is better. Hope tomorrow is another good day. 

Mornings are the hardest

I wake up nauseous. And even though I took the anti nausea med over an hour ago, my belly still feels questionable. 

My eyes are still dry, so I wake up with crispies sometimes crusting them closed. They are a little blurry for a while. I use lubricating drops twice a day, and use a heat mask at night. I sleep with a mask and wear a cap inside to keep the ceiling fans from drying them more. 

Insert title here. Cause I don’t have one.

Yesterday was a rough day. I had some trauma caused by all my belly issues. Once I calmed down, I asked Elsa to come over and keep me company. We took a walk around the block. My legs were jelly after, but I need to start working on my strength. 

I called the oncologist and they have referred me to a gastroenterologist. Hopefully I’ll get an appointment pretty quickly. Elsa came back over this afternoon and we walked again. It takes a lot of effort. 

David and Kevin are in town to visit David’s mom for Mother’s Day. It was good to see them. Kevin is still struggling with his health. He’s very thin. His return to health will take time. I pray that his doctors can figure out his issues and are able to help him.

Every day is a different day

Friday and Saturday I did well eating, but today was a nauseous day. I tried to wait it out, but finally took a med. I was at the point of needing to eat and feeling wobbly. Each morning I don’t know what to expect. 

It’s like the minute I tell someone I’m feeling better or someone hears my voice and tells me how great I sound, my body revolts. It’s very frustrating having never been through something lasting this long. 

When this started, I thought I’d be ready to go back to work by May 10 (one month post final treatment). Really, the oncologist made it sound so simple and relatively easy. By the time I got the “every body reacts differently” speech, I was feeling rock bottom. 

I am not there. Mentally or physically. I’m still crying a lot. My therapist says it’s my body releasing everything I’ve been holding in as I didn’t have a lot of time to process from diagnosis to surgery to treatment to being sick. Oh, in addition to my doctor (since 1989) retiring next month, Saturday was possibly my last session with my therapist because she’s leaving the company Frost offers and my insurance isn’t open to new providers right now. So apparently there’s some grieving going on too. You know, in addition to the cancer and losing The Rack. 

It’s hard every time someone tells me, “you’re so strong” as I go through this. I don’t feel strong. I don’t have a choice. This is happening. I have to go through it. I feel weak. And whiney. I feel like I complain all the time. I’m in a place where I don’t feel like I have much to offer my friends. I’m tired. I don’t know how I can make myself get better faster. I’m so ready. 

Better day

I woke up about 4 am because my throat was burning. Like heartburn. So I took an anti nausea and Pepcid and raised my bed some. Went back to sleep, but still didn’t feel great when I woke up. Around lunch I had a piece of toast and it stuck, so I had a chicken leg a few hours later. I’m feeling pretty good about it. I’m definitely feeling better than I did yesterday. 

Today was my last day of intermittent FMLA leave, so I had to talk with HR about an extension. I need day-to-day still, plus PT goes into June and I have surgery on May 15 to remove the port. I was hoping to be back at work the week after next, but I don’t see that happening. I need to be able to finish full WFH days first! I’ve worked so little this last month that my boss had to reassure me my job is safe and my desk is waiting for me when we chatted last week. I’m grateful I have over 700 hours available still, but it’s time to be better already. 

Today is week three since my final treatment. I can eat whatever I want now!! 🤣🤣🤣 Before, I was craving pizza and sushi and spaghetti with meat sauce and a cheeseburger and my favorite bagel sandwich on Sundays. Heck, commercials for Subway were starting to look good. Now, I’m still food anxious. Besides, there are very few things that I can really taste, so I might as well wait, right?