How Am I?

Pretty good, actually.

Elsa treated me to a manicure today, while Debbi was my Designated Driver. It was nice to be out of the house doing something normal.

My mood has evened out. Maybe I’ve accepted I can’t control what’s coming? Or I feel a little more in control being able to prepare meals, get laundry done, things like that so I can be as ready as I can be? Or it’s the calm before the storm? I was absolutely beside myself before the mastectomy. I didn’t sleep but a few hours the night before. I had to keep reminding myself it wasn’t elective surgery. Because I really wanted to shout, “Stop! I’ve changed my mind."

I picked up groceries and prescriptions today. I figure I can get things in order the next two days. Cook some things. Make sure I know which meds are for what and write out a clear schedule. There’s so much crossover I think I’ll need to keep track so I don’t take too much of any one thing. The problem with cooking multiple things now is keeping it edible till I need it. 

I am still peeling from where I reacted to the tape. Otherwise the stitches are healing well and the scar is looking ok. I think I’ll be happy with it when it’s all said and done. They are dissolvable stitches that I can still see in places. It can take a long time to dissolve (or be “spit out” according to what I’ve read).

I don’t have any pain except at night, mostly my underarms. Guess that comes with stretching those muscles back out as I can do more. I keep saying it feels like I have golf balls in my underarms, but it doesn’t look that way in the mirror.

Driving with the corset is uncomfortable. I had to loosen it today while I was in line to get my prescriptions. I didn’t wear it while I got my nails done because it’s quite obvious. But I felt the need to put it back on as soon as I got home.

I pulled out a bag today that Dona gave me that says, “Joy Is An Act of Resistance” to use on Thursday. I’ll include some sassy socks Allison Byers brought by yesterday. I’ll be sure to share photos of them. She brought a bunch of gifts from my co-workers.

Right now the plan is that Elsa will take me for first chemo because she’s having rotator cuff surgery before second chemo and will be unavailable for a while. I’m supposed to feel well enough to drive myself on Friday for the Neulasta shot. I’m also planning on working that day. I have a meeting set with my boss and can go through email, change my out-of-office message, etc. to prep for the days when I feel well enough to work. It’s weird thinking about work. Wondering what chemo brain will feel like (I feel air-headed enough as it is!).

Pippa and Millie continue to be the best babysitters. I think they are getting accustomed to visitors because it takes them less time to settle down now. Millie is getting groomed tomorrow because she got pretty knotted up wearing a sweater when it was colder. 

David’s husband is still quite ill. They are going to put in a new pacemaker next week. Fingers crossed it’s what he needs. Thank y’all for asking about them and keeping them in your prayers. And me too.