I’m awake

To be truthful, I was awake most of the night. Like eyes wide open awake. My TV decided to stop working, so it was just me, alone with my thoughts. Scary. 

I have to keep reminding myself this is not an elective surgery. That I chose the best option for me. And this cancer. 

But I’m still afraid. And angry. And sad. I don’t do well with anesthesia, so I expect I’m going to be really emotional for a while. Y’all be nice to David. 

David and I have known each other since we were 14 (him) and 15 (me). We’ve seen each other at our best. And at our worst. I know he’ll take good care of me.

Sandy will have my phone today if you want to reach out. 

Jill will go back with me when it’s time to go back and prepare. 

Lord,

I ask for your healing touch to be upon me as I undergo this surgery. Please give me the grace to trust in you and to find peace and comfort in your presence. I pray for the skill and expertise of the medical team who will be caring for me. Please guide their hands and minds as they perform the surgery, and grant them the wisdom and discernment they need to make the best decisions

I come to you today with a heart full of thanksgiving and trust. I am so grateful for the many blessings you have given me and for the gift of life. As I prepare for this surgery, I ask for your protection and guidance. Please be with me every step of the way and give me the strength and courage to face any challenges that may come my way. I pray for a successful outcome and a speedy recovery. Please also be with my loved ones and give them the strength and comfort they need during this time. 

Amen.